Kink Part One: Fun with Fetishes
by Beverly Fisher, Slut at Large and Woman of Easy Virtue

Note: the following is a work of fiction. Any similarities between the story and real life are coincidental. Beverly Fisher is a companion paid for her time only.

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” – William Shakespeare

One of the most wondrous things about sex is the diversity of experiences. From trying a new position to fulfilling a long-held fantasy, sex offers endless opportunities for exploration. Sex is much like food. Everybody loves a cheeseburger. The missionary position is the sexual equivalent of a cheeseburger. Now, I love a good cheeseburger, but, like some people, I like my food a little spicy. A little dirty talk perhaps. A bit of role playing, even. A touch of exhibitionism. Call it the sexual equivalent of a jalapeno, if you will.

But like food, there’s diverse... and there’s diverse. Really diverse. Like eating one of those poisonous blowfish that the Japanese think is some kind of delicacy. Or eating cow testicles. Or balut (pickled duck embryos). People do eat this stuff, you know. And they like it. The sexual equivalent of balut would have to be odd fetishes. Just as with all the odd foods out there, there are a million odd fetishes.

Now I’m not talking about run-of-the-mill S&M here. I’m talking really odd. Strange. Some fetishes are so far out as to be utterly incomprehensible. In the course of my sexual career, I’ve come across some pretty wild and wonderful fetishes. Some I’ve only heard about from other sex workers. Some I’ve only read about on the Internet. But all of them are marvelous, examples of just how outrageous human sexuality can get.

Submitting to fantasy

BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Sadism and Masochism) is how most people define kinky. But in the end, BDSM is pretty darned tame. But often it is the launching point for some of the wilder fetishes.

Some years ago, I was working with another girl and teaching her how to do BDSM sessions. She had an appointment lined up with a submissive client. Upon his arrival, she ushered him into the back bedroom, collected his fee, and came out into the living room, where I was. “This guy is weird,” she said nervously. “He has a fantasy of having his penis strapped into a jar of live bees.” I agreed that was very weird, and suggested she watch him carefully. She went back into the bedroom and shut the door... only to come roaring out 30 seconds later, like her lingerie was on fire. “Oh... my... God...” she breathed, eyes wide. “He has a jar of live bees WITH him!” We gave him his money back and showed him to the door.

I don’t have a problem with weird fetishes, as a rule. Some are a little gross for my taste, but as long as children and animals aren’t involved – as they were with the Bee Man – I don’t care what you’re into. As long as it’s fun, and it feels good, why not? The thing is, you have to have a sense of humor about your fetish, especially if it’s a weird one. You can’t help but laugh.

Once, I saw a submissive gentleman who seemed fairly normal, overall. He stripped down to his underwear. Then he removed his briefs – and underneath was another pair of underwear. So he removed those too. There was another pair of underwear. And another. And another. All in all, the man was wearing no less than 15 pairs of underwear, the last pair being made of latex rubber. I loved it. What I thought was particularly clever is that he had them on in order of size, with the smallest pair last... so that it always looked as though he were only wearing one pair of underwear.

One client called me and wanted me to throw him out with the trash. He wanted to be bagged up, taken out to the curb, and left there. Apparently a lot of people like the idea of being thrown out, treated like garbage.

I saw a BDSM magazine once. There was a series of pictures of a nude girl tied to a tree in various positions. She was wearing nothing but a pair of white bobby socks. The photographer apparently wrote the captions, all of which read like “look at Mary in her little white socks!” and “Oh no, Mary’s going to get her socks dirty.” It was all about the socks. It was a riot. Up until then, I had not considered that there might be such a thing as a bobby socks fetish.

Some people fantasize about having food thrown at them. I heard of a girl who had a client who wanted to stand against a wall, masturbating, while she threw banana cream pies in his face. Slapstick fetish! You gotta love it.

One provider told me about a fellow who liked to stand against a wall and have grapefruits thrown at his genitals as hard as possible. I have heard of fruit fetishes from other women, clients who asked for either fresh or rotten grapefruits and oranges thrown at their bodies while they masturbate. Another friend tells a story of a gentleman who wanted as many lemons as possible shoved up his ass.

Ewww... gross!

Things in one’s bottom are tremendously popular fetishes. From gerbils (I disapprove of this, strongly) to super enemas, to vegetables – carrots being quite popular – and everything in between, finding new and exciting things to put up the ass would seem to be a quest for some. I had one client who was very into enemas. Now that’s not so unusual, actually. But this fellow made it an art form. He had several custom-made metal and plastic dildo/applicators, and a five-quart enema bag. Those into enemas want a variety of fluids in their enema bags, including rubbing alcohol, salt water (warm and icy cold), coffee, and just about anything else you can think of. The coffee enemas are particularly hardcore, as the caffeine is absorbed directly through the membranes into the bloodstream... you get more wired than drinking a quad shot latte at Starbucks.

Gross fetishes are particularly nasty, in my opinion. Though I really do feel that if you can find a willing partner, and it makes you happy, then why not? One girl told me of a gent who was into golden showers (being urinated on, for the uninitiated). She and a friend went to this man’s apartment and were directed to pee on him while he lay in the bathtub. Now honestly, once again, golden shower fantasies are not that unusual. It’s often just a normal part of BDSM. But what made this gent special is that he didn’t want to wash off afterward. He wanted to sleep covered in urine. Needless to say, his apartment had a peculiar odor.

Another man fantasized about a girl straddling his face and farting repeatedly. I prepared for the session by eating an entire can of Bush’s Baked Beans. It worked beautifully, though the client seemed less than happy with the experience. It would seem that the reality of some fetishes isn’t quite as nice as the fantasy.

I had a client once who had a cuckold fantasy, which is to say he wanted to imagine that I was his girlfriend and I’d been cheating on him. He wanted me to take plain yogurt and smear it on my breasts and vagina, and pretend that another man had ejaculated on/in me. He then wanted to eat it off. I’m a little embarrassed that I did that one. But then, I’m embarrassed that I did the farting one, too. What can I say, I’m fascinated by people’s fetishes, even the mildly gross ones. And hey, it’s a change of pace.

Other gross fetishes include a fascination with armpits and sweat, people who get off on watching women coughing (especially if it’s a wet cough and they cough up phlegm), drinking whole jars of semen or urine, people who want you to spit on them or in their mouth, smelly feet, sucking on used tampons, those who enjoy vomit and fecal matter. I can’t imagine even beginning to do anything involving the latter. But those folks are out there. Thankfully, I’ve never met them. But wherever they are, I hope they’re having their own particular brand of fun.

The funny side of S&M

As discussed earlier, BDSM breeds some very interesting fetishes. Some of them are just downright funny. My housemate collects strange kinky Yahoo! groups and has discovered some real doozies.

The German Apron Fetishists are a fun group. They love aprons of all sorts, from leather to latex, frilly to plain. Another group caters to men who have fantasies about being blackmailed, to the point of extortion. Some of them actually follow through with this fantasy, becoming financially beholden to some dominatrix somewhere. Some people fantasize about being hypnotized and turned into robots. Really. Or there’s those that have a beauty salon fetish, and fantasize about having sex while getting a perm or having their nails done.

One group has a new twist on crossdressing, wherein white men are transformed into black women. Cross-racial crossdressing! Others fantasize about giantesses. They want women who are giants to lord over them, or they fantasize that through some magical process they are reduced in size, so that normal women become giantesses. Being stepped on by the giant woman is a common fantasy.

Still others wish to be turned into human furniture, serving the mistress by becoming her chair, table, or bed. Then there are those who want to be laundered, placed inside a washing machine. Some men want to be transformed into feminine objects, like lipstick or shoes, and then used and thrown out. Cannibalism is also a very popular fetish, with hundreds of websites devoted to its fans. You may recall the case in Germany where one man ate another. He had a signed and videotaped agreement from the “victim” saying that he did, in fact, wish to be eaten.

Human dolls are very popular also. People wish to be made into dolls, wearing masks and rubber outfits. A variation on this is called zen tai, whereby the person wears a mask that is utterly featureless... the idea is to have no face, no identity at all. Mannequins are also a fetish – becoming a human mannequin, utterly still – or conversely, making love to a mannequin.

Still another group fantasizes about women being flattened and folded, two-dimensional beings. Another gets off on women in victory poses, like Superwoman with one foot on a man’s chest. It would seem there is a fetish for just about everything, and a Yahoo! group catering to it.

Human punching bags are fun. Or how about infantiles, people who fantasize about being babies? They long to suckle at a woman’s breast, wear diapers, and be held and cuddled. Some also like to make messes in their diapers, and be scolded. I particularly like the Cat Play group. One partner or the other becomes the kitty cat or dog around the house. Human animals are a related fetish.

There are several variations on cocooning or mummification, including people who are into erotic encasement, wrapped up in everything from saran wrap to plaster. One group, Bound and Casketed, wrap themselves in rubber, then they get into big down sleeping bags, and then they get into caskets, which are then locked. Weird. But hey, if it floats their boat, why not?

A friend of mine back east tells a story of a fellow who used to come visit the massage parlor where she was working. Writes my friend, “The girls called him the Jack Off Guy. He would come in, usually shirtless, but always wearing pantyhose underneath his pants. On his stomach he would write “JACK OFF” in black marker. Sometimes he would see someone, other times he just wanted the thrill of coming in. He loved to be humiliated. He was paraded up and down the halls on a leash, with the girls throwing pillows at him. He was ordered to pretend to be every kind of barnyard animal possible. Other clients coming in were a bit puzzled by the display, but the girls explained that it was completely normal and that Jack Off Guy liked it. They were quite relieved.”

Some of my favorite fetish stories involve variations on BDSM. There’s one gent I’ve spoken with on the phone but never seen. His fantasy is to have a woman dress up as Cat Woman while he plays Batman. Strong acting skills are clearly required.

Thrill seeker? Or suicidal?

Some people take their kink to a whole new, dangerous level. There are many fetishes out there that are physically hazardous, and even deadly. For some it stays on the level of fantasy and nothing more. But there are others who actually attempt to fulfill their dark, dangerous desires – often with horrifying results.

A comparatively minor example are those men who are devoted to the practice of having their balls kicked. Generally, a dominatrix wearing stiletto-heeled boots delivers a kick as hard as she possibly can. The results can be terrifying, including ruptured testicles.

Others focus on the penis. From punching it to beating it, to dipping it in hot wax, men seek to abuse that wee bit of proud flesh. One friend of mine told me about a man who poured lighter fluid on his penis and set it on fire.

Asphyxiation is another dangerous fetish. Some practice autoerotic asphyxiation, which is to say they do it on their own, without a partner, often hanging themselves in the closet or some such, and masturbating while they gasp for breath. The decrease of blood to the brain is said to heighten sexual pleasure. It is rumored that the 1997 death of INXS lead singer Michael Hutchence was a case of autoerotic asphyxiation. Deaths of other celebrities have been attributed to the practice as well.

Some prefer to practice asphyxiation with a partner. A British friend of mine told me of a client who wanted a plastic bag placed over his head, and then to be smothered with a pillow.

One friend in Seattle had an experience similar to one I’ve had. We both had a gentleman contact us wanting to be run over with a truck. My gent explained to me how he had it all figured out, with this special contraption for his head, so that it could actually be done and he would survive. My friend in Seattle even had her man send photos of himself being run over with a monster truck, to demonstrate that it was possible. Both of us had the same reaction: what if I actually hurt this person? Both men were offering a substantial sum of money for the experience, but neither of us was willing to take the risk.

The ultimate dangerous fetish has to be the people who fantasize about actually being killed. One friend of mine described a client who was submissive and asked for the “ultimate submission.” He was quite serious in his snuff fantasy, and was willing to sign something saying that’s what he wanted. My friend, of course, declined. Killing people, even with their permission, will still get you into some serious trouble – legally if not ethically.

Just plain weird

By far my favorite fetishes are the just plain strange ones, funny and odd all at once.

Once, when I first started working as a hooker, I had a gentleman call me up who wanted me to wear “heavy makeup.” Alright, I thought. So I layered my makeup on a bit thicker than I normally would. When he arrived at my apartment, he said, “you are very beautiful, but you’re not wearing nearly enough makeup.” Okay. So back to the bathroom I went. This time I really loaded on the paint, making myself up the way my mother always told me not to. I showed him the results – still not enough. This went on for a while. By the time I finally had on enough makeup to suit him, I had giant black circles around my eyes, like a raccoon; flaming red streaks of blush two inches wide, and the brightest red lipstick I could find. He was ecstatic. We continued on to the bedroom activities, and in the end, he had me on my hands and knees, while I applied lipstick in the mirror over the bed. He wanted the lipstick all around the outside of my mouth as well, and I applied it in ever-widening circles until it reached my cheeks. All the while, he kept saying things like, “oh, you’re so beautiful! Oh, you look like a model!” and it was all I could do not to laugh. I looked like a clown, with my giant red mouth and rosy cheeks. It was hysterical.

My friend in Seattle had another lipstick fan visit her. He drove all the way from Vancouver to watch her apply “Happy Hooker Red” lipstick over and over again for two solid hours while he masturbated.

I don’t know if it’s a fetish or just plain strange, but I found a website called Crying While Eating. It features pictures of people crying while eating, and tells what they’re eating and why they’re crying. Really.

My housemate, the master of Kink, tells of more Yahoo! groups, like groups for people who want to sink in mud, sand, or just generally be buried. Then there’s the messy people, into sex or naked people writhing around in food, mud, oil, lotion, tar, you name it. One of my favorites is the people who like to have sex in crazy places, usually small and confining, like laundromat dryers. I hesitate to include here people who like to have sex in public places, or have fetishes for pregnant women, they’re so commonplace.

Let’s not forget the Plushie people. These are people who like to have sex with stuffed animals. They have groups on the Internet whereby they exchange ideas for how to modify stuffed animals – either attach dildos or make holes – in order to have sex with them. An offshoot of this group are the Fuzzies, those who are turned on by people wearing giant fur animal suits, such as football mascots. They exchange patterns with one another for making their own suits, and have Fuzzy gatherings.

Other strangeness includes a hair fetish. I had a gentleman come to see me who was enamored with my hair. He had me sit on the floor at his feet while he stroked himself with my hair wrapped around his penis.

Another British friend tells of a practice called “flowering.” The gent wanted a friend of hers to insert a flower into her bottom and dance around naked for half an hour. She notes, “It would be okay as long as it’s not a rose.”

This one is a little disturbing, because it involves hurting a living creature. As I’ve said, I don’t approve of that. But the story is odd enough that I must include it, and I do think it’s important that people know there are folks like this out there. The dark side of fetish cannot be ignored. My friend in Chicago tells of working in a massage parlor in another state. “We had the Moth Man. He would bring in a moth and pin it to the nightstand. You had to stab it with stick pins and use matches to burn it while he masturbated furiously, all the while you were saying ‘die motherfucker die.’”

On a lighter note, literally, is a story from a friend back east. I couldn’t believe it. I’d thought I’d heard everything until this one. She writes, “I had this gent that was into balloons.... he requested I get a ground floor room, and shows up with this four foot tank of helium. He sits on the bed and blows up at least 20 balloons, while I tie ribbons on them. He wants me to lick, kiss, and rub myself on them. He wants me to ride them and get myself all wet, and hump the hell out of these huge balloons. Then he ties them all over me, on my heels, my panties, my bra, and even asked me to wear gloves and tied them there as well. He wants me to walk around the room shaking my ass so he can hear them bumping on each other. He asks me if I am a popper? What the heck is that, I think... well, it’s someone who likes to pop balloons. `Okay,’ I tell him, `I really hate to pop balloons.’ This is a good thing, because he hates `poppers.’”

After hearing the balloon story, I had to go searching for this fetish on the Internet. I found it, quite easily too. There are hundreds of sites devoted to this fetish. They not only like balloons, but anything inflatable, including pool toys. What a lovely, charming, harmless little fetish. Absolutely delightful.

How is fetish born?

Why do people have fetishes? How do they acquire them? This is not an easy question to answer, as no one is utterly certain. There are two schools of thought. The first, and least studied, tends to apply to women more than men. The idea is that the choices and pleasures of the sexual self reside in that area of the brain where other preferences are born, like home decor, or favorite types of movies. You have acquired tastes that you can’t really explain (why do I prefer Victorian to mid-century Modern?), but somewhere along the line you saw something and just liked it. It fit in with your world view.

The second idea about the birth of fetish, and most common for men, is that some childhood experience imprinted on the brain, and shaped the sexual drives of the individual. For example, I have talked with many crossdressers about how their fetish came to be. Almost all of them had a story in which, sometime between the ages of 8 and 12, an older woman (often a relative, a babysitter, or a neighbor) dressed them up in women’s clothes either as a punishment or part of a game. And it was like a light went on, and the practice became an integral part of their sexual selves.

One common element of almost all fetishes is shame. These things are secret, because there is a taboo of one sort or another connected with them. We crave the forbidden. It excites us, drives us.

My all-time favorite fetish story, and a great example of childhood imprinting, comes from my housemate, the master of Kink. He was over at a dominatrix friend’s house one day, and she explained that she had a client coming over. But she wanted my friend to stay and watch through a crack in the door. So he did. The client was wearing a 1950s-style women’s bathing suit. He had cut a football in half to make these enormous pointy breasts. He was wearing 12 swim caps. In silence, he and the mistress were miming that they were having an underwater knife fight. After the false knife fight, the submissive went into the bathroom with the mistress. My friend listened at the door. He heard the toilet flush, and then the man say, “Thank you mistress, may I flush again?” The domina replied in a bored tone, “Yes,” and once again the toilet flushed. “Thank you mistress, may I flush again?” And again the bored consent. This went on for some time. Later, after the client left, the mistress explained to my friend that the client had been aroused as a child watching an underwater knife fight in the 1955 movie Sheena, Queen of the Jungle (played by Irish McCalla). Further, she added, the man was aroused by watching the water go around when the toilet flushes. Apparently, he knew where every public toilet in Los Angeles was, and how many gallons of water they contained. I imagine that his ultimate fantasy would be a trip to Australia, where the water goes around the other direction.

I love to hear stories of new fetishes, things I haven’t heard of or imagined. I am delighted by the panoply of sexual diversions that can be found in the human race. It’s wonderful the things people find to amuse themselves. And, from a selfish standpoint, I don’t feel so odd with regard to all the strange little things that turn me on. Fetish demands that we not take ourselves so seriously. We can look at ourselves and laugh. The world is a weird place. And that’s just marvelous.

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