The Anatomy of Pleasure:
The Vulva and Female Orgasm
by Beverly Fisher, Slut at Large and Woman of Easy Virtue

The female body is an amazing, beautiful thing. Not only do we bring great pleasure to those who love us – or just like us a lot – but we are capable of experiencing mind-blowing pleasure ourselves. There is absolutely nothing like a good orgasm, except maybe a great orgasm.

I have made a point to study my body, to learn about how my physical self can bring me such tremendous pleasure. I have explored the female orgasm in detail, learning about how my body and mind can come together to create such explosive feelings. Let’s face it, most people, women and men, don’t know a whole lot about their bodies or the bodies of their partners, and even less about the mysterious orgasm. It’s something that just happens (sometimes) and we can’t say why or how it occurs.

I used to take my boyfriends on a tour of my vulva. I’d shine a bright light down there, spread my legs, and let them explore. Get to know the terrain, as it were. Now I’m attempting the same tour, with words. There is so little we understand about our bodies, and about the nature of orgasm. I may not know the meaning of life or how to change a tire, but I know where my clitoris is. That’s got to count for something.

Twat’s that?

Most of the time, when we talk about women’s genitals, we talk about women having a vagina. The vagina is just the hole where the penis goes in, or the babies come out. We don’t think about the whole package. From pubic hair to anus, and everything in between, that collection of stuff down there is called the Vulva. Nothing rhymes with vulva, it’s a word unto itself. Sounds vaguely naughty though, doesn’t it? Say it ten times fast. Vulvavulvavulvavulva. It sounds guttural and flowery all at once, both naughty and nice.

The pubic hair covers the Mons Veneris, or “mound of Venus.” It’s that fatty tissue that covers the pubic bone, which creates a distinct mound. The mound is especially visible when women wear spandex exercise wear. The mons veneris is thought to provide a protective cushion for the pubic bone, especially during sex.

The labia majora are two folds of skin, often more like mounds than folds. These are the “lips” most people refer to. They define the pudendal cleft, concealing and protecting the delicate bits within. The labia majora taper down and merge with the perineum, that little flat length of flesh between the vulva and the anus. Some women have big labia, some smaller. Variety is the spice of life, and no two vulva look the same. Forget fingerprinting, we could take vulva prints. Although some women might object to that.

There are lots of nerve endings in the perineum, and many people, men and women alike, enjoy having this area stroked during sex.

The anus is, of course, the asshole (to use the medical term). The tissues of the anus are loaded with nerve endings, and many women enjoy having the anus stimulated. Some prefer just the outside of the anus stroked, while others enjoy anal intercourse. For some, myself included, anal sex is painful or impossible due to involuntary contractions of the muscles surrounding the anus. I’ve personally decided that the anus is an exit-only orifice. But not all women agree with me. I have several good friends who really, really enjoy anal sex. I won’t tell who, but I’ll give you a hint, one woman’s first name starts with “P.”

Spread open the labia majora, and you get a good view of all sorts of wonderful things. The greatest variation in vulvas occurs in the size and shape of their labia minora, or inner lips. I myself have hardly any labia minora at all, while some women have labia minora that hangs down between the outer lips. Some women enjoy having the elastic tissues of the labia minora stroked, while others do not. With women, the variation in vulvas is similar to the variation in stimulation. Some of us like one thing, others something else. The only way to find out what a woman likes is to ask. Of course, not all women are entirely sure what they like. Experimentation is key. More sex and experimenting for everyone! Life is good.

The little man in the boat

Up at the top is the prepuce or clitoral hood (it looks like a monk’s cowl), and nestled within it, is the clitoris. The clitoris is a very specialized organ. All it does is give a woman pleasure; it serves no other purpose. The clitoris has as many nerve endings as the penis, but all compressed into a tiny little space. This means it’s highly sensitive (so quit grinding on the damned thing with your thumb! Sorry, personal pet peeve intervened). Many women find direct clitoral stimulation painful.

There are some who may say that this pleasure function is designed to encourage reproduction, and thus the clitoris is part of that process. I say, malarky. Female cats don’t have a clitoris, and from the sound of it, and the medical description of the barbed male cat’s member, it would seem to be an absolutely agonizing experience for the female. But boy, do they do it! In other words, pleasure is not a necessary requirement for reproduction.

So why does the clitoris exist? Is it God’s way of tempting woman to sin? Or is it a gift from God? And if it is a gift, doesn’t that fly in the face of conventional Western theory, which states that mind and soul are pure, and body is animal and thus subject to temptations and evil? Maybe this gift is a pure and lovely thing, designed to tell us that we’re in these bodies for a reason, that physical pleasure is an important, vital part of not only our existence, but also our spiritual selves?

I think the clitoris is a perfect thing, absolute. It is composed of the same material that makes up the penis. In the womb, the clitoris and nipples develop in everyone, male and female. With an increase in testosterone, the penis is formed. The clitoris is, literally, a small penis. Or, conversely, you could say that the penis is just a big clitoris. In some women, their clitoris is so large, they can actually insert it into their partner’s vagina or anus, just like a penis. My clitoris is ridiculously small, and thus ridiculously sensitive. So quit with the thumb already.

The prepuce or clitoral hood covers the clitoris and all or part of the clitoral glans. The hood protects the clitoris from constant stimulation and irritation. It’s also a handy place to put jewelry. I pierced my clitoral hood some years ago, and really enjoy the added stimulation. Some women actually pierce the clitoris itself. The clitoris is capable of becoming erect when blood fills it during sexual arousal. It feels firm to the touch. This is one way to find a woman’s clitoris – if you don’t look with the lights on – because the clitoris is firm and the surrounding tissue is soft.

The juicy part

The vaginal introitus forms the mouth of the vagina. You can’t rightly call it the vaginal opening, because unless there’s something inserted into it, the passage is closed. It’s pretty easy to find the vagina. Look for the neon signs and listen for the music. My vagina plays jazz, mostly. There’s a party in my pants!

The Urethral Meatus is the opening into the urethra. This is where urine and female ejaculate (for those that are able to do so) comes from. Some women find that touching the urethra is sexually stimulating.

Inside the urethra, women have a female version of the prostate gland. Actually, these are a collection of paraurethral glands called “Skene’s Glands.” During sexual arousal, these glands fill with fluid and may even be felt through the vaginal wall. They produce the same alkaline fluid as the male prostate. These glands make up the “G-spot” which, when stimulated, can produce intense orgasms, and, in some cases, female ejaculation. Female ejaculate is probably not urine, though there is some argument here. More than likely it is that alkaline prostatic fluid, high in glucose. Female ejaculate has been reported to taste sweet.

I have always wanted to be able to ejaculate. A lot of women do. I have a friend who does. No, I won’t tell you her name, but it starts with “S.” I did it once, when a boyfriend was stimulating me with his fingers, but I haven’t been able to reproduce the experience. I don’t think I drink enough water. I’ll keep working at it though. Even if I don’t manage to do it, I still have a hell of a good time trying.

Coming to the point

The female orgasm is an interesting thing. How women achieve orgasm varies from woman to woman – everyone likes something different. The majority of women are unable to achieve orgasm through intercourse alone. Some stimulation of the clitoris is required. In a recent poll, Jane magazine reported that only 43 percent of women achieve orgasm every time they have sex. Another 28 percent reported having orgasms a few times, while 19 percent never have had an orgasm during sex. I can’t imagine how awful that would be.

Women need more than just physical stimulation, but mental and emotional stimulation as well. The orgasm is a mental process as well as a physical one. For some women, raised with traditional ideas about “sluts,” feeling sexual evokes feelings of guilt and shame. This is one reason why some women have difficulty achieving orgasm; they relate their pleasurable feelings to being promiscuous and wanton. Some of us enjoy feeling promiscuous and wanton, so that helps.

Just as we have the need to eat and sleep, we have sexual desire – the need to reproduce, to have sex. Sex is vital for the survival of the species. But sex is not purely animal in nature. Sexual desire is also the desire for intimacy and pleasure. We can’t have physical arousal without desire (though I have tried on a few occasions). Sexuality involves a person’s biological processes, psychological makeup, sexual orientation, physical sex, everything. It’s a total package, like one of those Barbie dolls that comes with lots of different outfits and the shoes and everything.

Often women need an emotional connection with their partner, in order to feel capable of achieving orgasm. Many are not able to orgasm without clitoral stimulation, which can be difficult to achieve during intercourse. Certain positions lend themselves better to the stimulation of the clitoris, especially the tried-and-true missionary position.

Personally, I prefer both clitoral and vaginal stimulation. Many women simply want clitoral stimulation and nothing more. Just sticking it in and going to town is not going to bring any woman to an orgasm. Women need time to build up to that point. Foreplay is crucial for most women, and indeed, they may only experience orgasm during foreplay, not intercourse.

Getting physical

There are several physical components of the female orgasm, requirements that must be met in order for orgasm to be achieved. Women must first experience vasocongestion, a big damned word that means a rush of blood to the breasts and genitals. Additionally, we experience Myotonia, or neuromuscular tension, which is an increase in energy in the nerve endings and muscles of the entire body. This physical tension is vital to the female orgasm. I know I experience a kind of tension throughout my entire body, sometimes to the point where my muscles are rigid. It’s like all your nerve endings have a hard-on. The tension is delicious, in its way.

According to sexologists (hey, now there’s a great job!), the sexual response cycle for women has four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. The amount of time a person spends in each phase, or even the order of the phases, can vary. It’s not like something you can necessarily chart on a graph, though I suppose you could try. Imagine having a big graph in the bedroom, observing your partner clinically, scrawling down data with a fat Sharpie marker. MMMmm, romantic.

In the excitement phase, women experience an increase in vaginal lubrication, in the size of the clitoris, the labia minora, and even the breasts. Everything gets big all over. Nipples may become erect due to muscle contractions, but not always. Vaginal lubrication does not necessarily mean a woman is ready for intercourse yet, and an absence of it doesn’t indicate a lack of arousal. I’ve found that as I’ve aged (no jokes, smartie!), I have less vaginal lubrication than I once did, though I certainly become highly aroused! Additionally, I find that condoms deplete whatever moisture I produce quickly, so I always use a water-based lubricant with condoms. Natural lubricant or otherwise, I still have a hell of a time.

During the plateau phase, there’s a big increase in sexual tension. I always feel like climbing the walls during this stage, like my whole body is erect and twitching. Some women, myself included, feel a strong desire to have something inside them, a vaginal ache. You know what I want, dammit, so give it to me! If the plateau phase is prolonged, there can actually be a decrease in vaginal lubrication. The clitoris becomes even more erect, and the labia minora increase in thickness. The color of the labia minora change, going darker. The areola (that bit around the nipples) swell. A large percentage of women, somewhere between 50 and 70 percent, experience what some call the “sex flush,” as blood flow increases and flushes the chest and other body areas. Buckle up, gents and ladies, keep both hands inside the car at all times. We’re ready for intercourse.

In the orgasmic phase, women experience rhythmic muscle contractions in the vagina, uterus, and anus. This is the good part. The initial contractions are the most intense, and occur at a little more than one per second. As the orgasm continues, the contractions become less intense and more random. A mild orgasm may have three to five contractions, an intense one 10-15. Muscles all over the body may contract during orgasm. This is especially true for me. I tense up everywhere, to the point that sometimes I get painful charlie horse cramps, especially in my calves and feet. Myotonia can be seen throughout the body, but especially in the hands, feet, and face. The entire body may go rigid. Some women at this point will spray or leak fluid from their urethra during orgasm, the famed female ejaculation. According to brain wave studies, orgasm takes place in the brain as well.

Buddhist monks say that the state of the mind at the moment of orgasm is exactly what practitioners are trying to achieve through meditation. At the moment of orgasm, your mind is completely open to the universe. You are focused utterly on the moment, not on the past or future, not on worries or joys, not on anything but that actual moment. It is at that moment that the mind is completely open to the divine. You didn’t realize Buddhist monks were so much fun, did you?

For me, orgasm is a total body experience. It starts in the clitoral area and spreads outward from there. It’s the most fun you can have, and it’s free. Well, unless you’re paying for it. Nothing wrong with that. Women can experience clitoral orgasms, vaginal orgasms, uterine orgasms, and total body orgasms. I’ve sampled them all, alone and with friends. What can I say, it’s a hobby.

During the resolution phase, a woman can experience heavy sweating and breathing, rapid heart beat, extra sensitization of the clitoris and nipples. I know I can’t stand having my clitoris touched after orgasm. It’s just too super sensitive. “Sex flush” disappears. However, many of us are capable of more orgasms during this phase, if stimulation continues. And that’s what the world needs: more orgasms.

Sexual dysfunction

These days we hear a lot about Viagra and male sexual dysfunction. Not many people talk about female dysfunction, but we have it too. A recent study found that 43 percent of women experience the effects of sexual dysfunction. Most research on the topic has only been done in the last few years. Up until quite recently, any problems women might have with sex and orgasm were thought to be purely psychological in nature. But now scientists and doctors are finding physical issues for women as well.

Sexual desire is usually psychological; arousal is physical. Viagra has been found to help women too, along with testosterone. But it only helps with the arousal. The desire has to be there too. So treating women’s sexual dysfunction usually involves a doctor and a therapist; one to help the body, the other to heal the mind.

Female sexual dysfunction can present itself in a variety of ways, including hypoactive sexual desire disorder, or a lack of sexual desire – or even an aversion to sex; sexual arousal disorder, which is physical in nature and includes an inability to create vaginal lubrication, nipple desensitivity, etc.; orgasmic disorder, which includes difficulties reaching orgasm even with sufficient stimulation, or a problem with poor quality orgasms; and sexual pain disorders, which include pain with intercourse or genital stimulation.

Causes of these disorders can include everything from high blood pressure, smoking, and hormonal problems, and more. Like men, diabetes can negatively affect the female sex drive, as can certain medications including antidepressants. I took Paxil for a while and was unable to achieve orgasm – even when masturbating, and nobody does it better than me. I told my doctor he needed to find a new medication, because if it was a choice between sanity and orgasms, I’ll take orgasms hands down (literally!) every time.

Psychological causes can include depression, stress, sexual or emotional abuse, drug abuse, self-esteem issues, and more. Being comfortable with your own body is a huge part of feeling good and having good sex.

Faking it

More than 70 percent of women aren’t capable of having an orgasm through intercourse alone. Now pair that statistic with this one: 55 percent fake orgasm at least occasionally. What’s the connection?

There is tremendous pressure on women to be orgasmic. It is practically expected. Take a look at movies and TV, and you see women having screaming O’s all over the place. One episode of Sex in the City is enough to scar a woman emotionally for life. Well, at least me. Men place a lot of pressure on women to have orgasms. Men see orgasm as a goal, rather than seeing sex as a process. They expect women to have orgasms and feel less virile if their partner is unable to achieve this goal.

Many women will fake orgasm during intercourse for a variety or reasons. Foremost of these reasons is pleasing their partner, making them feel good, like they’ve achieved something. Sometimes women will fake orgasm because they feel like they ought to be orgasmic, even if they aren’t. Other times they’ll fake it because they’re tired and want to get sex over with. Sometimes it’s faked because we aren’t capable of having an orgasm through intercourse alone, but our partner expects it. There are as many reasons for faking orgasm as there are for having sex itself.

I’m guilty of having faked an orgasm or two in my time. Usually it was because I wanted to make my partner happy, and I knew there was no way I was going to have an orgasm at that time. But it’s a bad thing to do, and is a disservice both to the woman and her partner.

I have to take responsibility for my orgasm. It’s my pleasure. No one can “give” me an orgasm. I give it to myself. But I have to let my partner know how to help me get there. As long as women fake orgasms, their partners never really learn how to truly please them. Communication is the most important thing between two lovers. The man needs to learn to communicate with the woman and find out how to make her feel good. The woman in turn needs to communicate with her partner and explain what she wants and how to get there. Further, men need to learn to give women permission to not have an orgasm, if they don’t want to or feel able to. Orgasm doesn’t have to be the goal, the be all and end all of sex. Sex itself feels very very good, even if orgasm doesn’t enter into it. Really.

Divine sex

In Tantra and other sacred sexual practices, the goal of sex is simply to give your partner pleasure, no more, no less. Orgasms are not a requirement. In fact, avoiding ejaculation is the rule for men, trying to extend the pleasure as much as possible. Sacred sex practices lend themselves well to helping a woman feel pleasure, because women take so much longer than men to achieve orgasm.

During masturbation, men can usually achieve orgasm in three to five minutes. When women masturbate, it takes an average of five to fifteen minutes to reach orgasm. Now that’s just with masturbating. Apply the time difference to intercourse, where the man is receiving direct stimulation to his penis, and the woman is only receiving indirect stimulation to her clitoris (if at all) and we begin to see the problem. Vaginas actually have very few nerve endings, because otherwise childbirth would be an even more agonizing process than it already is. It can take women up to 45 minutes of stimulation during sex to achieve orgasm. That’s a long plateau phase!

Through sacred sex practices, men learn to control ejaculation and lengthen the sexual experience. The idea is that women gain energy through orgasm, while men lose energy when they ejaculate. Through controlling the process and taking time, women can often achieve orgasm several times. Men can learn to have non-ejaculatory orgasms, very similar to the total body experience that women encounter.

They look like orchids

The female body really is a magical, marvelous thing. I love being a woman, and having all of the remarkable bodily experiences that comes with that (pun intended). Vulvas are beautiful. They look like orchids or flowers, and they feel absolutely fantastic.

I have been lucky – no, blessed – to have lovers who have truly enjoyed and appreciated my vulva, were interested in exploring it and learning about it, delighted to play with it and stimulate it. I think our bodies are fascinating, and I am always wanting to learn and understand more. I am more aware of my body and self than I’ve ever been, and this knowledge has helped me discover new ways of pleasuring myself and my partners. It’s good to learn about our bodies, boys and girls!

And new pleasures are always important. Tantra practitioners tell us that, in their belief system, one cannot truly become a total spiritual being until that person understands and has completely incorporated her physical-sexual self with all other parts of her being – spiritual, mental, emotional. The idea is that sex itself can transcend and bring mere mortal beings closer to the gods.

I know that when I achieve that moment of orgasm, I feel absolutely perfect and complete. In that moment, there is nothing wrong or out of place with my world. I am utterly content to be in the moment. Perhaps that does bring me closer to the divine. It certainly brings me closer to my partner, and in the end, to myself.

 

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